Letters from Cathy Min Chay

I’ve recently had an e-mail exhange with Cathy Min Chay, the widow of SSgt. Kyu Hyuk Chay, the subject of the post Chappaqua Memorial Day 2007: Staff Sgt Kyu Hyuk Chay.

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David,Sorry I haven’t written sooner. I did start to write you an e-mail after reading everything and l didn’t finish it. Once again, I just wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the tribute. It’s the best gift anyone could give me. It really helps me through these incredibly hard times.I eventually would like to create a website but I’m far from doing that.I just moved to a new home in fayetteville. Kyu and I were renting and planning on buying when he got home from his deployment. Since I couldn’t see myself leave the military community I decided to go on with the plan. It’s been a crazy summer with the house hunting, mortgage shopping, etc. It would’ve been our first home. In his last letter he wrote about buying a house…I’ve also decided to stay here because of my new widow friends. We’re a great support system for each other and there’s a group of us who aren’t planning on moving any time soon.

Thank you again. Really, thank you.

Please keep in touch.

with regards,
Cathy

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To which I responded:

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Cathy,Thank you so much for the kind words — they mean a great deal to me.I see you are thinking of setting up a web site. I think it would be an invaluable resource, a way to both honor the memory of those who have given their lives in their service to defend our country, and to provide a way for their survivors to communicate with each other.That communication can be vital. You have been thrust by fate into a community you never hoped to join — the survivors of our fallen soldiers. Only those in this community can comprehend and share this experience.

My late niece, Janet Perloff Fossett, died of breast cancer three years ago, before the age of 50. She found some comfort in mail-lists used by cancer victims. She also spent some of her last months writing, first in the form of a series of letters to her son, and for world she prepared a guide for parents on talking about terminal illness. See for example, Living With Illness Tip Sheet – Talking With Children About a Parent’s Serious Illness and Lecture Will Support UAlbany’s Janet D. Perloff Fund . (By the way, the first post cited was written in part by Victoria M. Rizzo, LCSW, Ph.D. She was a colleague of Janet’s, and in an act for which I am my family will forever be grateful to her colleagues at SUNY Albany, they supported her near full-time effort to help Janet through her final months. It was an extraordinary act of kindness.)

As fate would have it, Janet was on the faculty while you and your husband were at SUNY Albany (the school my son attended from 1997-2001). Her husband, Jim Fossett, is still at SUNY Albany today.

If you have no objection, I would like to publish your letter on my blog, but of course that is your call.

I am also going to seek the help of some folks I know of who are as good as it gets when it comes to creating world-class web sites. I’m confident they will be more than willing to volunteer their services.

Thanks again for writing. My thoughts are with you and your family.

thanks,
dave

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To which Cathy responded:

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David,I would not mind at all if you posted my response. I wish I had the ability to be more eloquent when choosing my words but it’s still hard just to get out.I’d love any help I can get on creating the website though as I stated there are things I must achieve first. I remember initially thinking about the website when I received an enormous outpour from the Chappaqua community and surrounding. There were many generous donors to my husband’s education fund. I wanted to use it not only to honor my husband but possibly to keep people in touch with my children. But you’re right, I need it too.I could use all the help I can get. I know how much comfort I get from reading your tributes. The days have been hard and don’t seem to get easier. I’m trying to stay busy and productive.

I forgot to ask you if you watched “Inside the Green Berets”. What did you think? I just recently got an e-mail from Steve Hoggard who is the gentleman narrating the story. I got to meet him at my husband’s NSA memorial. He sent me a wonderful e-mail and attached 20 pages of responses National Geographic received. That meant a lot.

I hope you’re doing well and THANK YOU.

Cathy

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I haven’t seen “Inside the Green Berets,” but I just learned it is available on DVD and I have just ordered a copy: Inside the Green Berets DVD.I noticed renewed interest in Ssgt. Chay a week or so ago when that several people had reached my blog via searches containing his name. When I checked the National Geographic website I noticed they had just rebroadcast that show. I see also that excerpts from the show can be found online at National Geographic Video.

[Written by Dave Shields in September 2007 and first published in his blog, The Wayward Word Press.]